Obsessing and letting go

A few years days ago, my obsessive behavior came to a head. For as far back my recollection goes, there seems to always been SOMETHING I was obsessing over- shoes, a scratch on my car that was not there the week before, wanting to cut my hair, an article of clothing I did not purchase even though it was on clearance, that now 5 years later seems to haunt me still. Yes, haunts.

After having my Dude, I managed to lose a decent amount of weight (I was down 36 lbs after his birth) in two months! The thinnest I had been since high school! When my supply dropped, my doctor told me I wasn't eating enough calories to maintain my supply. I chose to eat the good bad stuff! In 14 months since the Dudes big debut, I've gained back 25 lbs. Which brings me back to obsessing. How my body looked before. How clothes fit. This gorgeous dress my mother bought me for Mother's Day. That FIT, when tried on 3 months before. In that time period I managed to put on about 8-11 lbs. (This was just after I stopped breastfeeding & the 30th birthday disaster and I was sad/annoyed/depressed) My Hubs tries to zip up the dress (think a 50's style empire waist white dress with beautiful pink floral print with gorgeous green leaves and cute cap sleeves) and where the skirt portion is sewn onto the bodice, is where the zipper gets stuck. He FINALLY gets the zipper over that evil speed bump in the fabric. The dress is soo tight on my bust that it is pancaking my breasts. Naturally, my reaction is to break down sobbing, demanding he unzip it so it can be returned and never seen in my home again. This same dress was on CLEARANCE a few days ago at one of my favorite stores. For 1/3 the price. Having weighed if it would be worth buying said offensive dress and hoping to lose weight (once my knee stops hating me, I will be continuing my exercise!) which I had planned to do before my sisters baby shower and so the heat here will not be as bad on a slimmer body (MAN, the heavier you are, it seems the heat TRIPLES in disgustingness) which will also make chasing my now-running Dude around easier. Having decided that unnecessary pressure would drive me batty, more so than normal, it was put back on the rack.

This is an item first seen in FEBRUARY. We are in August and yet the damned thing still HAUNTS me. Maybe taunt is the more fitting word. But this is not the first obsession over an item like this! Ohhhh no!! There have been a pair of heels, which as a SAHM would be ridiculous to spend the money on them just to say they are there when needed (really, when would that be??) if necessary. Not that they were expensive- $39.95, not $395- I'm not Carrie from SATC. Even things as simple as someone hitting my car at my old job. Came out after a hard day to see a pretty sizable dent in my drivers side back tire wheel well. Tears were shed. Curse words were spewed quite like a fountain. For about 10 minutes. The dent is still there, 5 years later. SIGH.

I've often discussed with my mom why I exhibit this behavior. She was not able to pin point why. Neither have I.

Back when my Hubs was not the only one working, we had a silly mantra of, "If you see something you NEED, have the money, and all the bills are paid at the time- get it. You may never see it again." (I used to make pretty good money, in addition to Hubs!) Now we are less wasteful with money. Thus letting go of silly ideas of "Spend, Spend, Spend". It is more an ideal of "save, then buy" if it is something that has been a top item for a while (and doesn't cost $400 or something exorbitant!). From a post a week or so ago, still awaiting on officiality for a Good News post! But steps are in place for us to be better finiancially.

What is a personality quirk of yours??